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It's been too long.


Aki Dazrold
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You want feedback? I give you feedback.

What the!?!?!?

Sorry, lol.

Nice addition.

Although I want to provide some constructive critism.

You suddenly start typing about being in a greenhouse thing. I don't get how you got there from being in your grinder slowly moving, to inspecting plants.

You need to kind of be more detailed, like "1 month later". Or "Meanwhile, Retsnom was in a greenhouse somewhere in the middle of the planet".

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You suddenly start typing about being in a greenhouse thing. I don't get how you got there from being in your grinder slowly moving, to inspecting plants.

Two different people, dude. I thought I made it pretty clear that the guy in the greenhouse was the guy that *name withheld* stole the grinder from.

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"Meanwhile, a random rock raider was in a greenhouse in the middle of nowhere"

The man is doing his inspections on his garden

"Back On the LMS Explorer, we see chief yelling at jet"

Jet says, "But it's not my fault!"

"Yes it is, you're the one who put the engines to full"

Just an example.

The subtitles state where the story currently is.

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  • 2 months later...

A Note to everyone who still gives a rat's pazootie about this story:

1) I have computer issues. This prevents me from posting Chapter five, and would be the only reason for this delay were it not for this:

2) Chapter five does not yet exist. I'm writing it down in an actual notebook since my computer doesn't like me. I'll try to post it via the same method I post this when I have it done.

Any questions or comments you have before that time, post them now.

In regards to the topic where I wanted title ideas and plotline guesses: Nobody won the latter of these two. There will be no vote for the title, as I only got 3 decent suggestions, only two of which I really liked. And they both came from the same person. I will soon post a link to the next chapter in my signature. When you see it, you will sh!t bricks attack that page.

Also, thanks a heap for moving this topic to a page where it is easily accessible.

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