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This is a weird Rock Raiders/Homestuck crossover thing written partly in reaction to me finding Rock Raiders again and getting obsessed with it and partly in reaction to someone else doing a story in Homestuck's format but leaving out Sburb. I left in Sburb but am doing this in my own weird format. This is what I have so far:


The LMS Explorer had just gotten enough energy to escape from Planet U

and returned home to wherever when suddenly another wormhole sent them

to yet another place, this time to Planet Ouya.

Chief: "Oh crap"

So Chief was teleported down to the surface of Planet Ouya and was immediately

greeted by Master Chief from Halo, except it was the Megabloks version and

Chief is a Lego minifigure so it wouldn't turn out very well.

Chief: "Hi I am Chief from the Rock Raiders and my ship was transported to

this weird place, where am I?"

Master Chief: "This is Planet Ouya"

Chief: "Wait a second is that supposed to be some parody on the 'Planet U'

we just got back from?"

Master Chief: "Of course it is; there's also Planet Playstation 4 but it's not

ready yet"

Chief: "Is there also another planet for a new XBox 360??"

Master Chief: "Yes. But it's not called the 720 because you know what happened

when Atari tried to double the number on the 2600. Hey do you wanna see my

ship? It's called the Internet Explorer"

Chief: "What, seriously? Dude you're ripping off our LMS Explorer to make a pun

about a web browser"

Master Chief: "Yeah but basically everything in this story is gonna turn out

to be ripped off on something or another. Let's go!!"

Chief and Master Chief went to the Internet Explorer which turned out to be a

stupidly designed ship because it was all blue and looked like the letter E but

inside it had references to all sorts of Internet memes so it was okay. Vegeta

was actually one of the crew so it was kind of annoying because whenever he

was asked about any of the ship's stats he always said "over 9000" because the

panel he read stats from was edited to add 9000 to every single stat.

Chief: "Okay, who the heck owns this ship???"

Master Chief: "Oh, the Princess of the Internet of course!!!"

Chief: "Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me"

So Master Chief took Chief to the main control room where there was a beautiful

squirrel girl with a crown.

Chief: "YOU're the Princess of the Internet???"

Princess: "Well actually my name is Nova but yeah I guess"

Chief: "Can you help us, we need to get energy crystals for the ship"

Princess: "Yeah sure"

And then suddenly the two ships were transported to a new planet that didn't

exist yet except right just now.

Except Chief and Master Chief got sent back to the LMS explorer and the

Princess went and installed a cross between the Sburb server and

Lego Rock Raiders on a computer she didn't even appear to have before.

Chief: "Okay what the heck happened??"

Master Chief: "I dunno lol but I see this isn't Planet Ouya!!!!"

Chief: "Well then what is it???"

Master Chief: "Well I see a big floating sign saying


Chief: "Why the landslides???"

Master Chief: "A landslide has occured"

Master Chief: "A landslide has occured"

Master Chief: "A landslide has occured"

Master Chief: "A landslide has occured"

Chief: "Hey it's not my fault landslides occur all the time in that game"

Master Chief: "Well at least it's not LAND OF SLIMY SLUGS INVADING YOUR BASE"

Chief: "That could happen later, perhaps with an ALL YOUR BASE reference"

Master Chief: "Or 'im in ur base killing ur doods'???"

Chief: "Exactly"

Chief teleported like 5 Rock Raiders down into a cavern as well as a tool

store and they reported back

Docs: "A new cavern has been discovered"

Chief: "Shut up the cavern at the start of the mission doesn't count"

Rock Raider: "Well uh there's tons of DIRT"

Chief: "Drill it, d00d"

Rock Raiders: "Well uh, we tried but there's these things that look like

Gushers instead of energy crystals????"

Chief: "what"

Rock Raiders: "Then we got it and it said it went into a grist cache?"

then the Chief tried to call the Internet Explorer

Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"

Chief: "Hello uh princess are you there??"

Princess: "Of course I'm here what does it look like I'm doing???"

She places the Alchemiter, Totem Lathe and Punch Designix on the LMS Explorer

and also the Cruxtruder and stuff but they didn't notice really.

Princess: "Okay so you should collect that gusher stuff, it's called Grist.

I'll explain how to use it to get energy crystals later."

Chief: "What are you going on about"

Princess: "Don't you get it this is a Rock Raiders/Sburb crossover!!"

Chief: "Oh okay that makes sense I guess"

Princess: "Have your dudes drill for more grist then call back"

Chief: "Ok"

Vegeta: "Main screen turn off"

Chief: "Okay so you guys need to keep digging and stuff"

Rock Raiders: "Okay I'm drilling more walls"

Jet: "An energy crystal has been found"

Rock Raiders: "Actually it looks like this is an energy crystal seam??"

Rock Raiders: "Energy crystals appear to be super rare on this planet though"

Jet: "Energy crystals found!!!"

Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"

Princess: "Okay guys wait up I'm teleporting over don't use the crystals yet"

Vegeta: "Main screen turn off"

and the Princess teleported into the LMS explorer

Princess: "Okay I deployed some equipment onto the ship earlier"

Princess: "If someone can teleport up an energy crystal that'd be great"

Chief: "Unit teleported safely"

Princess: "When are units ever NOT teleported safely???"

Chief: "I dunno I just always say that"

Then the Princess took an energy crystal and captchalogued it with her

SINGLE LINKED LIST fetch modus, which could hold an infinite number of items

but in order to take any out or find any she has to start from the start of

the deck each time. She had been meaning to upgrade it to a DOUBLE LINKED LIST

which would let her go in either direction but she had been too lazy.

ANYWAY she brought Chief to the room with all the tools and found the card with

the Energy Crystal on it and looked on the back for the code (ENERGY!!) then

putting it into the Punch Designix and entering it to punch the card. She took

the cap off of Cruxtruder and put the Cruxite Dowel and card in the Totem Lathe

to make an Energy Crystal totem which was then put into the Alchemiter to make

an energy crystal at the cost of 1 grist, then does it like 15 more times.

Chief: "Holy crap!!"

Princess: "Just keep mining that Grist, okay? Then we can make more energy


HOWEVER pulling the cap off of the Cruxtruder caused the kernelsprite to fly

out and also started a countdown of impending doom.

Princess: "Oh yeah, at this part you would normally have to use a prepunched

card in order to make some object to save you but since we're already on our

land that's completely unnecessary, oops." :)

The Princess thought for a second about the fact that they'd have a void sesion

if they didn't prototype anything at all and prototyped it with AN ENERGY

CRYSTAL to make CrystalSprite.

Meanwhile Docs looked out from the ship and saw another planet!!

Docs: "A new cav- I mean a new planet, has been discovered"

It was red, white and blue all over, with stars and stripes.

Princess: "Oh yeah, Obama and Romney are also doing Sburb. Land Of Presidents

and Patriotism, I think?"

------------------------- to be continued???? ---------------------------

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"Master Chief, defend this station"

"Unit teleported safely"

"Chief, do you mind tell me what you're doing on that ship?"

"Slimy Slugs are invading your base!"

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Suddenly everyone's pants are burning because I am using Sburb as well.

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But Docs did not see the planet "Land Of Can Do and Will Do", which was this
huge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent
characters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV
show, "BOB NEWS" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be
funny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he
did was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.
The Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST
decisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly
because they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for
some reason, I don't know.
Toa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk
to the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.
Pohatu: "Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was
  NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in
  their original sets back in 2001."
Lego: "But then we gave you claws after"
Pohatu: "Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!"
Lego: "Okay let's make this up to you"
and Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!!
Pohatu: "Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!"
Lego: "What, are propellers not good enough?" :(
Pohatu: "NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!"
and then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept
giving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons
and tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??
Pohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason.
Pohatu: "I'm gonna wreck it!!!"
but Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line.
Ralph: "Hey that's my line"
and Pohatu punched him in the face.
Ralph: "Ow!!"
Pohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it
was just one water tower.
Bob (on BOB NEWS): "Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched
  Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!"
But as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone
in the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu
walked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone
never responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really
crappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof
so he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that
Megabloks Master Chief from before.
*over on the LMS Explorer*
Master Chief: "Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie
  and I'll be back later"
Chief: "Wait, what?"
Princess: "It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually
  supposed to be free originally"
Chief: "Such a rip off!!!"
Princess: "Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to
Chief: "Wait where is Master Chief even going??"
Docs: "A new planet has been discovered!"
but nobody paid attention to him!!
*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)*
Master Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that
Pohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so
Master Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu
got onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.
Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"
Bob: "Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being
  helped by a Megabloks dude???"
Master Chief: "Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??"
Vegeta: "Over 9000 miles"
Princess: "No it's 125 miles"
Vegeta: "No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a
  stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get"
(years ago)
Kyurel: "So today I drove 125 miles"
Kyurel: "Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find
  a radio station that's not country and not in spanish"
(back to the present)
Chief: "So wait is this a real place or something??"
Docs: "As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of
  Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?"
Chief: "Can we go there??"
Docs: "Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals"
And then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet
Explorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported
down Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!)
Vegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.
Chief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being
Chief: "Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!"
Jack Stone: "Haha don't feel like it!!"
Chief: "But you gotta stop that bank robbery!"
Jack Stone: "Can do... WON'T DO"
Chief: "Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then"
*Meanwhile in the bank*
Pohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all.
and there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff
Greg: "Why? You don't even have a gun!"
Master Chief: "Well I have plasma grenades!"
Greg: "Oh okay then"
Master Chief: "Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two"
Greg: "Haha, no"
Greg: "Okay okay!!"
and Greg handed like five dollars over
Greg: "Now leave me alone!!"
Afterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast
to the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the
police for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really
dumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief
ran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him
than it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could
catch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like
Chief: "Hey come back here!"
but they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack
Stone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason,
probably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and
this was basically the same thing!
Pohatu: "Let's bomb the Lego guys"
Master Chief: "Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane"
Pohatu: "Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?"
Master Chief: "Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman"
Pohatu: "This sucks!"
Master Chief: "To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept
  lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills."
Suddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey
Greg: "I need to talk to you, dude"
Chief: "You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know"
Greg: "But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy"
Chief: "Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?"
Greg: "Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very
  upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called
  Hero Factory."
Chief: "They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome"
Greg: "They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all"
Chief: "And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop
  Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?"
Greg: "We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it
  costs five dollars."
Chief: "And?"
Greg: "...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill
  bricks! I *did* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here
  so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?"
Chief: "But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO"
(Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)
and then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it
was really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he
took Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to
contact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:
Chief: "Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of
  Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!"
Master Chief: "Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want
  to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something
  that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks."
Chief: "And Pohatu doesn't care??"
Master Chief: "He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep
  getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!"
Then Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind
  Control and he took the phone and started talking.
Onewa: "You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad
  franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new
  story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame
  tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out"
Chief: "That's a terrible idea though"
Onewa (whispering): "Shut up"
Master Chief: "Haha, OK"
Then Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either
trying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and
he wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few
things BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the
helicopter and Chief caught it.
Pohatu: "Haha what are you doing"
Master Chief: "Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will
  get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or
  something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy
  MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard
Pohatu: "That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go
  with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better."
And they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief
  dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the
  wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and
  landed OK. He started to run after it.
Just then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.
Ralph: "Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!"
Sonic: "Ahahahaha I'll go get him"
Sonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his
  Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic
  had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5
  Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.
Sonic: "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you"
and then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.
Chief: "Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY"
and Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via
  PayPal or something.
Chief: "Wow, convenient!"
Except just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting "CAN DO, WILL DO!" and
  because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the
  source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the
  Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted "I'LL HELP YOU"
Pohatu: "Why?"
Jack Stone: "Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without
  the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the
  heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa."
Pohatu: "Oh, okay"
Chief: "Call in the generic Res Q boats"
Pohatu: "NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat"
Jack Stone: "Why not just call in the one I already made??"
Pohatu: "OK, do that"
Jack Stone: "CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!"
and then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in
Pohatu: "How does that even work?"
Jack Stone: "I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating
  something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say
  CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait
  for someone to call for me?"
Pohatu: "...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait
Jack Stone: "Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just
  save you already"
Jack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got
  on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask
  of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up
*in Lego headquarters*
Lego: "No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory"
and Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging
  Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at
  least longer) and created six Doritos Toa:
Toa of Spicy Nacho   - Tahu
Toa of Cool Ranch    - Kopaka
Toa of Nacho Cheese  - Gali
Toa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu
Toa of DORITOS TACO  - Lewa
Toa of Pizza Doritos - Onua
Greg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters
  on the types of Doritos they represented.
Pohatu: "Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck"
Greg: "Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism
  and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked
  Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some
  nutrition reform or something."
Pohatu: "Oh OK"
And then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he
was famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific
audience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed
The Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way
cheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show
up and fix things.
Oh wait, you're probably actually thinking
"What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???"
Well, the answer is "VERY LITTLE", but I'll make it relevant somehow!
Everyone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting
back on it.
Princess: "Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on
  Lego bricks everywhere I walk!"
Chief: "It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though"
Princess: "Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?"
Except, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the
most important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!
------------------------- to be continued???? ---------------------------

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