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This entry is what I’ve been putting off for quite a while; I was inspired to write back in mid-July, but I soon realized that I wasn’t getting anywhere, so I gave it a rest, then came back to it a month later. The break certainly helped me clear my head and function again. If I hadn’t procrastinated, this might’ve been the first post. Anyhow, I’ll get into this one pretty quick, since I’ve already introduced my new blog…
But let me first just apologize in advance in case I don’t make sense. I’m not used to writing down my own thoughts, let alone explaining them to others. All I really want to do is bring out what I’m thinking and share it here. If this entry doesn’t pan out, I’ll work on doing better with my blog in the future.
Okay, that’s all; moving on now…
So, I’ve been kind of down lately. I’m starting to feel like I don’t know who I am, or rather, who I might actually be. I recognize my own hobbies/interests/tastes, and I’ve always been happy with them for the most part. What’s currently bugging me are some of the things I’m unfamiliar with. Since I haven’t tried much of anything new, I don’t know what else I might like or dislike. The obvious solution to this problem would be to actually try stuff. However, I have this problem - apparently I’m neophobic:
Sorry. I hate to use that as an excuse, but it’s a problem that’s gotten my attention. I’ve basically been like that my whole life; part of it is probably an Asperger’s thing (surprise, surprise, I’m an aspie). When I was really young (e.g. before I aged 10-11), I would avoid trying new things at all costs. I was just a crazy kid obsessed with “LEGOS” 24/7 (I’m sure many of us were something like that at one point ). Sure, there were a few other things I liked, but they were all very small things.
Fortunately, I got better at leaving my comfort zone as I matured; there’s a lot more I like to do now, and every so often I’ll look into something I haven’t tried before. Still, there are certain things I’m not comfortable with trying; I don’t know why. It seems like I’m over-reacting a lot, like I’ll automatically think I won’t get to do the things I already enjoy ever again if I start doing something that’s totally new. Another thing is, and I really hate to say it, but I think I’m sounding like a hipster:
Goddamnit, I’d hate to be one of them, but maybe it’s the sad truth? I tend to despise a lot of things that “seem popular” to me, particularly on the internet or in pop culture. I’ve belittled certain trends and fandoms, and now I feel ashamed, since I’ve often done it without any knowledge of them. Also, I feel lonely because I don’t understand what everyone else seems to like. As a result, I’m finding it harder to make new friends. Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m missing out on what they do, or if I’m just different. It doesn’t matter to me what my opinion would be; I just need to validly form one. If I enjoy something, great! If not, then at least I tried it!
What actually HAVE I tried in recent years? Well, I played Minecraft in 2012, and I was bored to tears with it. I’ve also looked into a few fandoms, like the Bronies and Homestucks. I was amused by MLP, but it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. Meanwhile, I was a Homestuck fan from 2011 to early 2015. I was crazy about the webcomic until I got really sick the fandom and started hating it. Right now, I’m a closet furry, if admiring the community’s art even makes me a part of the fandom. These are just a few prime examples; I’m probably forgetting some other things I’ve already checked out...
That’s pretty much all I can say right now. During my break, I even wondered if this entry would be a complete waste. Maybe it is junk, but I didn’t give up on writing it. I really want to work harder on fighting this “problem”. I just need to relax and feel free to take a look at anything I might be curious about. Even if my interests don’t change much, I’d at least get to experience some new things and maybe learn more about myself.
Anyhow, that was something unusually long for me to write online. Hopefully I didn’t sound like a complete drama queen. I don't expect that many here could relate with me, but who knows?