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The Blog of a Newb

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And the next day.

By Catbug,

Holy crepe, one day has passed since le last entry *gasp*

Prepare for a giant moodswing from my last post.

Also, I do apologize if my posts become frequent. It's just something I do xD

You know, the kindness of strangers will never fail to amaze me. Even before I came here, where so many of you have comforted me, given me advice and the likes, I'd noticed that people I didn't even know were being so nice to me. Now perhaps some were just using me to get more friends, to throw pity parties or something like that (mostly on Facebook is where I've found this to happen) but others... Others genuinely care. It didn't happen as much on Facebook, but it still did. I met the most amazing people, and made friends literally left and right. Sadly most of them I no longer talk to, due to my inactivity of that site, but that's not really the point.

It was brought to my attention what my Christmas lacked, and why it felt so... miserable. Hope. A staple of the human set of emotions. Now we all have certain emotions that are used most often, others that are hardly used and some that we have never felt. Hope is what keeps us going. It's the optimists bread and butter. And that's what I had ignored.

I also had forgotten the giving spirit of the season. The one thing that makes this season so special. I had become so self absorbing in what was wrong, that I failed to see what was right. I had lost connection with someone who I have been talking to for months, someone who I seriously can't live without, and that made everything turn grey and awful. My grandfathers illness made it worse. Terrible grades and the end of term swinging in just finalized my depressing state and wiped any hope from my mind. I refused to give presents to those I didn't /have/ to give to. My friends got nothing from me, because I was so selfish. When I did, they were rushed and not well thought out, to be honest. I just didn't care.

Now I look back on last week, and I feel so guilty. But also, I found my new years resolution. Even if my life gets hard, and I feel like I can't go on, cling to hope. Give freely of myself to others, make them smile, and help them no matter what's going on. Be a friend, a family member, and someone they can rely on.

I wanted to take some time to thank you guys, even if I really don't know you, and vice versa. You took time out of your life to offer comfort to me, when you didn't have to. And thank you to that one person who has always been here for me, even when I was being downright awful. You know who you are.

So yes, have my random, out of the blue post. Hooray ^w^

But one thing I plead with you all to never forget, is this. Have hope, and don't you ever, ever give up.

Cheers, RRU, and have a Happy New Year.

~CB

Oh hurrah for the holidays

By Catbug,

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Okay, I think it's high time for a rant. Because, well, because I can.

Put simply, this Christmas was crap compared to other years. Not because I didn't get and give awesome presents, on no. It's something totally different.

The main reason was some super depressing things happened to me early this month and it all went downhill from there. I'm feeling isolated and alone, and so here, have this rant. You guys may not really care, but it makes me feel better.

The secondary reason is my grandfather's been in and out of the hospital since early May.

He's an 83 year old man who is a paraplegic, so why do I complain, right? Eh, let me explain.

When he was 17, he was just like any other jock out there. Strong, tall and well on his way to joining college leagues. He had a promising enough football career ahead of him and practically had girls dripping around him. He had it all, at least everything in High School.

One day at practice, he was tackled in a way that he hurt his leg. His coach told him to shrug it off, and he did. It didn't hurt too badly and he figured it wasn't anything serious. He kept playing until it started bothering him. Again, his coach told him to ignore it. He told him to walk it off and just go home. So he did as he was told, and walked home. He still thought nothing of the injury as he went to bed that night. He knew he was fine. Except, as luck should have it, he wasn't. He got up the next morning only to realize that he couldn't feel anything below his ribs.

What had happened was his spine had been fractured and with the playing and walking on it, it had broken entirely. He was now fated to be in a wheelchair for life. He's been that way for 66 years.

Because of this, he tends to develop bed sores all too easily. He's had issues with them for years, but none of them got too serious. Then May 5th happened.

He was into septic shock. For those of you who don't know what it is, let me put it simply. His systems started shutting down, one by one, due to infection. He was dying, and quickly. We called 911 and he was taken away. As it turns out, he had five very serious bedsores, all infected, and some straight down to the bone. If we'd have even waited five minutes before calling, he would have died. The doctors told us that these sores had been growing for just over two years or so. He'd been lying to us for two years. My grandmother kept asking him "Are you sure you don't have any sores? Are they taken care of? Have you told Katia?" (Who was his doctor at the time) He kept saying he had none, and if he did, they were minor and he would take care of them. Two years of lies from a stubborn man.

For months, he was in and out of ER's and rehabilitation centers. Around September, he came home for a little while. Only to have to go back again. This time, it was for something totally different. I can't recall what, exactly, but it was just as serious. From then on, he'd be in Rehab for a few weeks, return home and have to go back again. Each time, it was something else, something new, that was wrong.

And then this month. He comes home on December 16th and he appears to be on the mend. His sores are almost fully healed and he seems as healthy and happy as he used to. He falls out of his chair a few times, but it never gets too bad. But then, out of nowhere, he drops into a deep fever and we have to rush him to the ER. Apparently, his Gallbladder was turning sour, and bile was pouring in, literally everywhere. They removed the Gallbladder, and he returned home again, on the 24th.

My aunt, her husband and her two little sons (both under the age of 5) are visiting for Christmas. We're having a good time, when he starts having problems breathing. Yet again, we have to take him back. Another mysterious problem, yet to be explained. And this time, it was on Christmas. On December 25th, he's accepted into the ER.

It turns out that bile was surrounding his lungs. They do surgery to correct this and they find something else that is an issue. We later discover that he was passing Gall-stones, which had been taken back into the tube where they were laying while the Gallbladder was being removed. So, they were taken out too. By now, my mum, grandmother and I are thinking, "This is ridiculous. Nothing else can go wrong at this point." Let me advise you, it's never a good idea to say that.

He's still in the Hospital now, and he gets pneumonia. Of all the things to get now, that's it. He's there as I type, in pain and my family is here at home, fearfully wondering, "Is all of this going to kill him? Are we going to lose him?"

I don't know what's going to happen, or if he's ever going to come home again. It sounds melodramatic, to say that, but I'm being honest. How much more can this 83 year old man take? I seriously doubt he can do it much more. He's strong, granted, but his body is failing him.

I apologize for this but there's really not much else I can share here.

Thank you for reading this, typing it out has helped me feel not so hopeless.

~CB

Okay, so I've been messing around here on RRU, having absolutely no idea what this site was for until last week or so.

Yes, yes, I know. "Newb, what are you doing here?!" Eh, not so sure myself, but thought I should join in here, just in case. For what? Again, not sure.

Now I realize what this site is (And I feel ever so stupid for not realizing it sooner) I think I'm ready to jump in.

What I'm (mostly) into:

Okay, the biggest thing for me right now would be MLP FIM. Definitely. Ponies have become my obsession, and it drives my friends IRL crazy, but I adore those brightly colored equines, so what they say don't phase me. I do loads of art about the show, its ponies, its fans, and random head-canons that pop into my head. (Yes, I do requests, just saying. Because I self promote all over le interwebs xD)

Eehhhh, come to think of it, none of my other interests match up to ponies. Huh. Didn't see that one coming a few years ago. Welp.

Anyway, I'm also a huge fan of Doctor Who, Supernatural, Warriors (The book series by Erin Hunter, not the basketball team. Ech), Sherlock, and slowly, Minecraft.

Ahhhh, that game entertains me way more than it should, honestly. And yet, still a newb here. I haven't been playing it very long and when I do, I mostly just derp around. No purpose whatsoever. I know little to nothing about it, but I still love it to pieces.

Jeez, I'm rambling again. Makes me feel like a weird cross of Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie. Hmmm. Anywho, I'm Catbug, or Cloud if you prefer. ^w^ Nice to finally join y'all here.

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