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The Most Boring Blog In The World

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I figured I'd post this here since I know a lot of you guys here are fascinated by game design and what does or does not work. This is going to be a long-winded and largely boring rant about something very minor that still left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

This past weekend, I finished the main story of "A Link Between Worlds" for 3DS. Unfortunately, my gaming repertoire is not nearly as extensive as most of my peers; for most of my life, my only means of gaming were a Gameboy Color, a Windows 95, and a Windows XP. As such, the only other Zelda title I have played is the 3DS rerelease of "Ocarina of Time".

That being said, I've read that one article about Zelda that everyone here has also read. And while I haven't played many Zelda titles, I can see the points that the author is making. Specifically, I'm going to home in on one particular point that the article makes: hand-holding. Starting with Navi in "Ocarina of Time", the games have progressively gotten worse and worse about having some means of constantly telling you what to do and how to do it. This is in contrast to the original game "The Legend of Zelda", which gave you an open world and, aside from a few cryptic clues, just sat back and let you explore and figure everything out for yourself.

As mentioned in ProJared's review of "A Link Between Worlds", this game largely does away with having some fairy companion constantly nagging you. It is a call back to form, giving you the opportunity to explore Hyrule and Lorule on your own and learning about the many monsters inhabiting the world. In fact, the whole game is supposed to be returning to Zelda's roots with "A Link to the Past", which is largely contested with "Ocarina of Time" for being the best game in the franchise.

But wait... according to that article, "A Link to the Past" marks the beginning of the series' decline. Why? It introduced the hand-holding trend. While "Ocarina of Time" may be more infamous thanks to Navi's high-pitched voice, that's only one form of hand-holding that the games have introduced since the original NES title. The other was introduced in "A Link to the Past", and while it's more subtle than "HEY! LISTEN!", the writer of the article argues that it takes away from that sense of total open-world exploration present in the original game.

See a large crack on the wall? Put a bomb there and it will open up a secret passageway.

Now, here I confess that I must disagree with the article's notion that Zelda was better when you had to throw bombs at every single wall on every single screen because you didn't know which one might contain a secret entrance. Nonetheless, I do see what the writer is getting at: with a large crack marking every location where a bomb must be placed, the game world feels less natural and more artificially constructed.

This trend of hand-holding started with "A Link to the Past" and, essentially being a love letter to said game, "A Link Between Worlds" continues it. Pretty much any time the game wants you to put a bomb somewhere, there will be a big crack in the wall to let you know.

That being said, "A Link Between Worlds" does go out of its way at times to make it not so simple. It plays around with the top-down perspective, with the entrances to numerous secret rooms being hidden simply thanks to the camera angle. By merging with the walls in the game, you can also shift around the camera and thus reveal that which is otherwise hidden by the top-down view.

In one instance, there's an abandoned house in Lorule. If you go inside via the front door, you'll notice a treasure chest containing a Piece of Heart against the far wall of the house, but a large amount of furniture and clutter blocking your way. There's nothing here that can imply how you can reach the treasure chest. Go back outside, and the house looks normal from the top-down perspective, and you still don't know how you would reach that treasure chest. However, if you walk around the house and then merge with the back wall of the house, only then does the camera reveal that there is, in fact, a large crack on the wall. Now you know to put a bomb there, opening up a secret entrance that will let you reach the chest.

This, I thought, was a novel twist on old Zelda conventions. Yes, the game does provide that hand-holding crack in the wall to let you know what to do, but it doesn't tell you that there's a crack on the wall unless you take it upon yourself to check it out. This is something that wouldn't have been possible to do in "A Link to the Past", but here "A Link Between Worlds" is taking full advantage of the shift to 3D to add extra puzzle elements to the Zelda franchise.

That is an example of something that, I felt, the game did very well. Unfortunately, that's not why I'm writing this long-winded blog post today. I'm writing about something the game did not do well. Something that left a bad taste in my mouth as a gamer.

In one section of Hyrule Field, there is a cave entrance with a Piece of Heart sitting right in front of it. However, it is blocked off by a series of pillars that cannot be moved or destroyed by any of your items, and the rock wall around the cave entrance is too rocky to bypass with wall-merging. Therefore, it only takes a small logical leap to realize that what you see is not a cave entrance, but a cave exit, and in order to get that Piece of Heart, you need to find the actual entrance.

Not too far away, you'll find two pillars exactly like the ones blocking the cave. Put a bomb against the wall between the two pillars, and that will open up the secret cave entrance that you seek.

The problem? There is nothing to indicate that this is what you're supposed to do.

Remember that whole crack-in-the-wall hand-holding that "A Link To The Past" introduced? Well, despite following that convention to the tee in the entirety of the rest of the game, "A Link Between Worlds" averts it for this one instance. The wall between the two pillars is perfectly smooth and you can even merge with it without a problem, unlike any other cracked wall in the game.

But those pillars, surely they should have been a hint, right? Well, they might have been... if it weren't for the fact that there were a dozen other pillars just like them located throughout that section of Hyrule. In fact, you can even find similar pillars in Lorule. Had those two pillars been the only other use of those pillars blocking the Piece of Heart, that would have been a hint. But instead, the player sees these two pillars and says, "There's a dozen other pillars just like these and there was nothing special about those, so why would these two be any different?" Besides, I can tell you that I was more focused on the actual pillars than the wall between them.

Had "A Link Between Worlds" been like "The Legend of Zelda", these sorts of secrets would have been the norm. The player would expect to find hidden secrets with only very vague and cryptic clues, and this would not have bothered me nearly as much.

Heck, even look at "Pokemon: Platinum Version". There are items scattered across the world in plain sight, but there are also "hidden" items that don't show up on the overworld map and are invisible until you pick them up. However, the game lets you know that there would be "hidden" items and gives you the ability to use a radar on the touch screen that will pick up the locations of hidden items relative to your position. After a while of using the radar, you can even get a sense of where to expect to find such hidden items, such as a fairly innocuous-looking rock blocked off by a pair of smashable rocks. The game eases you into the hidden item mechanic.

This is not what "A Link Between Worlds" does. This would be as if all items in "Pokemon: Platinum Version" were visible on the map except for one single item that was required to, I don't know, find a specific Pokemon needed for completing the Pokedex. And the game doesn't give you that radar or ever mention that some items are invisible.

This isn't the only flaw in "A Link Between Worlds". I could not figure out how to play Octoball Derby without looking up a guide on the internet because the in-game instructions for the minigame are even worse than those for the Fishing minigame "LEGO Island 2". There's also one secret cave in Lorule with a frustratingly tedious running puzzle that rewards you with merely rupees. In comparison, something like an unmarked wall that can be blown up seems rather minor, right?

But this one is what left me with the worst taste in my mouth. Having bought and upgraded all of Ravio's weapons, two pieces of Master Ore, 19 Hearts, 97 Maimais, and Blue Mail, I'd say that I'm fairly close to having completed the game. Just a few more items I need to find, right? Should be easy to find, right? But wait! Suddenly, this gameplay convention which has been enforced for the rest of the game is tossed out the window without warning. Now, I am forced to question myself. Is this the only unmarked wall? Are there other unmarked walls in the game that I've been missing because the game makes you so used to seeing cracked walls that you don't think to look for unmarked walls at all? Do I have to search high and low for walls to bomb on what may just prove to be a wild goose chase because this was the only wall the whole time? This is not a good feeling to have this late in the game.

"A Link Between Worlds" does not take after "The Legend of Zelda" but rather "A Link to the Past". It holds your hand throughout the game like "A Link to the Past", and then suddenly expects you to realize that it let go and is leaving you to fend for yourself like "The Legend of Zelda".

The reason I brought up the example with the treasure chest in the abandoned house is because that's how you can do necessary hand-holding in games correctly. It holds your hand up to a certain point to teach you a certain convention (i.e. the crack in the wall), but then you have to think outside the box in order to recognize that convention in a different situation (i.e. changing the camera angle). The example with the hidden cave is an example of how not to do it.

If you want to go all-out like "The Legend of Zelda", feel free to do so. If you want to hold the player's hand the whole time like in "A Link to the Past", feel free to do so. Here's my tip to potential videogame designers: don't just suddenly switch from one to another without warning, especially not so late in the game.

That's all the time we have for today. I'm sure that, by now, you've caught up on any lost sleep by trying to read this rant.


The Family Tree of Johnny Thunder

Not enough to warrant its own topic here, but still an interesting subject that I feel should be discussed. Especially in the most boring blog on Rock Raiders United.

First off, let us start by acknowledging that, outside of heavily story-oriented themes such as BIONICLE, LEGO has a very loose grip of canon that frequently contradicts itself and encourages each person to come up with his or her own personal interpretation, sometimes called MOCanon. With a canon as unreliable as LEGO's, one may ask, what's the point of analyzing it? To which Cave Johnson would reply, "Why not?"

So, let's begin this journey into LEGO's confusing canon with everybody's favorite fedora-wearing adventurer himself, Johnny Thunder! Arguably one of LEGO's most popular and memorable original characters, having transcended years of absence from toy store shelves combined with a license for Indiana Jones by keeping his memory alive through the likes of Laser Raiders, LEGO Universe, and most recently The LEGO Movie. Everyone who was a fan of LEGO in the late 1990s and early 2000s remembers him fondly, and thanks to The LEGO Movie, a whole new generation will be introduced to his legacy.

But did you know that Johnny Thunder has the largest genealogy of any original LEGO character?

Let's begin with his dear comrade, Dr. Charles Kilroy (also known as Charlies Lightning, Articus, and Titus, among other names). This brilliant yet absent-minded professor has been by Johnny Thunder's side since his first adventures in Egypt and now goes hunting for the famed Jeweled Triceratops on My LEGO Network. He is not only one of Johnny Thunder's closest friends, but he is in fact Johnny Thunder's uncle according to the January/February 1998 issue of LEGO Mania magazine.

Now, let us take a step back for a moment and consider this. Johnny Thunder is LEGO's answer to Indiana Jones, another famous fedora-wearing adventurer. In the third Indiana Jones film The Last Crusade, Indy is joined by his father Dr. Henry Jones, Sr. It is clear that Dr. Kilroy is LEGO's answer to Dr. Jones, and Kilroy being a close relative to Johnny supports this notion. Makes sense, right?

Hold onto your hats, because here's where things start taking a turn for the strange and unusual.

Johnny Thunder and the Adventurers were not the only products of the late 1990s. Enter the Time Cruisers in 1996, two years before the Adventurers hit store shelves. These sets follow the whimsy and wacky adventures of Dr. Cyber and his assistant Tim as they travel through time and meet the characters of other LEGO themes sharing the LEGO catalogue at the time. On the United States' side of the Atlantic, the Time Cruisers were a thing of the past by the time the Adventurers arrived... but not on the other side of the Atlantic.

The German LEGO magazine World Club Magazine published a series of comics following the adventures of Tim and his faithful monkey Ali (also known as Ingo in other sources such as LEGO Mania). While LEGO Mania left the Time Cruisers back in 1996, World Club Magazine continued to follow their adventures through to the end of the year 2000, after which World Club Magazine was revamped to closely resemble its western counterpart. Until that time, the Time Cruisers kept cruising through time... and as 1998 rolled around, take a few guesses which new LEGO theme was featured in the comics.

Extreme Team, of course!

As the story progresses, it is revealed that Extreme Team was sent by Dr. Cyber to find Tim in the Wild West because Dr. Cyber's brother was in need of help. Oh, wow, Dr. Cyber has a brother? What's his name? Professor Articus. Hey, wait, haven't we heard that name before? You can either scroll up to check a few paragraphs above, or you can look at the comic's next page and see for yourself.

Dr. Cyber is Dr. Kilroy's brother. And by extension, that makes him related to Johnny Thunder.

But wait, that's not all! While it's not explicitly stated in the comics themselves or in any other LEGO media (as far as I know), one of the creators behind the comic series, Kim Hagen, did a write-up of the comic's concept which confirmed that Tim is, in fact, Dr. Cyber's nephew. So, thanks to the World Club Magazine, Johnny Thunder is related to Dr. Cyber and Tim from Time Cruisers.

But we're not finished with Tim yet. Throughout the comic (and as mentioned in the write-up above), he is given the surname Timebuster. That name might not mean anything to you until you recall that there's a minifigure from the Town theme named Max Timebuster, featured prominently in commercials such as this one and this one, with his full name confirmed with this LEGO catalogue. "Timebuster" certainly cannot be a common last name, therefore it stands to reason that Max and Tim are thereby related... which would indicate that Max Timebuster is yet another one of Johnny Thunder's family members!

Okay, now we're finished with Time Cruisers. Let's move on to another theme... Dino.

When images of Dino's minifigures first arrived, I took a long look at this minifigure and noticed there was something familiar about him. He wore a loose khaki shirt with a belt strapped across his torso (starting at his left shoulder and extending down to his right hip) and a scarf around his neck. Although shaved, this minifigure has stubble resembling sideburns and a mustache, and his cocky expression with one raised eyebrow was unmistakeable. While his hatless head, shaved facial hair, and white shirt led me to doubt it was the Thunder himself, I could not help but wonder... was this minifigure another relative of Johnny Thunder?

Weeks later, the LEGO Dino website goes live and reveals that his name is, in fact, Josh Thunder. Later, the 2012 edition of The LEGO Book briefly mentions the Dino theme and confirms that he is a descendant of Johnny Thunder.

How many generations separate Johnny and Josh? It is not confirmed. Depending on your personal MOCanon (does the Adventurers theme take place in the 1930s or the 1990s?), Josh could be Johnny's son or grandson. But now it confirms that Johnny Thunder did have a son, whether that son is Josh himself or Josh's father.

Before we get into any further speculation, here's a quick recap of Johnny Thunder's family tree so far.

  • Charles Kilroy: uncle
  • Dr. Cyber: uncle's brother
  • Tim Timebuster: uncle's brother's nephew
  • Max Timebuster: unknown relation to uncle's brother's nephew
  • Josh Thunder: descendant

Just to give you a heads-up, what follows is entirely based on future LEGO products that are subject to change, so there will be some speculation involved that stretches a little further than "Max is related to Tim".

First, let us begin with a potential LEGO product that hasn't even been confirmed as a future LEGO product as of this writing: The Adventures of Steamrod, a CUUSOO project currently at 1,865 votes. By the way, you should all definitely go support that project because it's awesome, but enough about shameless plugs. What matters here is that this CUUSOO project is obviously one big homage to the Adventurers theme reimagined in a Steampunk setting.

Who is the main heroic character? Sir Jonathan Bolt. And despite the striking family resemblance, he is merely a distant relative of Johnny Thunder.

Why does this matter? Should the Adventures of Steamrod project receive another 8,135 votes, it could potentially see the light of day as a LEGO product if it passes review. And, depending on how much of the original concept is maintained in the final product, Sir Jonathan Bolt could very possibly become an official LEGO character, adding another member to Johnny Thunder's already surprisingly-extensive family tree.

But there is another reason why I bring up Sir Jonathan Bolt. Like Timebuster, I cannot imagine that Bolt is a particularly common surname. And there will be a character in the upcoming LEGO Ultra Agents theme who shares that surname: Curtis Bolt.

According to various sources, the minifigure currently identified as Curtis Bolt does not bear much of a resemblance to Johnny Thunder. However, I believe that this is based on incorrect preliminary information that is subject to change (remember when Brick Daddy was called the Brickfather in early material?), and I've got strong evidence to support my hypothesis. For you see, there is another minifigure currently identified as Solomon Blaze according to that same preliminary information.

But wait a second, Solomon Blaze is a character from last year's Galaxy Squad theme. It wouldn't be the first time in recent LEGO history that a minifigure from one theme shows up in another later theme (most notably, Brains from Power Miners later showed up in the Atlantis theme), so it's very possible that Solomon Blaze will return this year as a member of the Ultra Agents... but this guy looks nothing like him! Instead, he looks like... like... hold on.

Crooked mustache. Cocky expression. Raised eyebrow.

He looks like Johnny Thunder!

Just like Josh Thunder, "Solomon Blaze" looks like a relative of Johnny Thunder. In comparison, "Curtis Bolt" looks more like last year's Solomon Blaze; while their facial expressions aren't exactly the same, they're both young, clean-shaven, and have some sort of high-tech gadget over one eye. Thus, leads me to my hypothesis that the preliminary information identifying the two minifigures mixed them up: "Curtis Bolt" is actually Solomon Blaze and "Solomon Blaze" is actually Curtis Bolt. After all, wouldn't it make more sense that the character named Bolt bears a striking resemblance to Thunder?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Even if I'm right about the name mix-up, Curtis Bolt is a futuristic secret agent. Josh Thunder, at least, is a character in a spiritual successor to Johnny Thunder's Dino Island adventure, so that connection makes sense. What sort of connection would there be between Johnny Thunder and some secret agent?

Two words: James Bond.

... What does that have to do with anything?

Johnny Thunder is based on Indiana Jones. According to several sources, Indiana Jones is in fact based on James Bond. This is why Spielberg and Lucas cast Sean Connery in the role of Dr. Henry Jones, Sr., because that would mean that James Bond is literally Indiana Jones's father.

Back in 1998, LEGO created Dr. Kilroy as an answer to Henry Jones, Sr. If my hypothesis is correct, "Solomon Blaze" is not only actually named Curtis Bolt but also strongly implied to be another reference to Henry Jones, Sr. And if Sir Jonathan Bolt is canonized by CUUSOO, then the relationship between Johnny Thunder and Curtis Bolt would only be further supported.

So now, let's do another quick recap including these speculative members of Johnny Thunder's family:

  • Charles Kilroy: uncle
  • Dr. Cyber: uncle's brother
  • Tim Timebuster: uncle's brother's nephew
  • Max Timebuster: unknown relation to uncle's brother's nephew
  • Josh Thunder: descendant
  • Jonathan Bolt: distant relative
  • Curtis Bolt: unknown relation to distant relative

Johnny Thunder's family tree would include seven other members. Considering typical LEGO families, that's a surprisingly extensive list spanning five LEGO themes and one CUUSOO set.

That's all that we have for today. By now, I imagine you're quite bored with all this talk about genealogy and family trees and confusing ties between LEGO themes. In that case, this blog has served its purpose well. But now, at least you can walk away with more useless trivia about plastic Danish figures that will never help you in real life!


The Greatest "Sonic the Hedgehog" MOC

With the latest version of LEGO Digital Designer including some new pieces, I was finally able to truly capture the likeness of everyone's favorite blue hedgehog. Marvel at how incredible it is.


Forget Mad Jack and Dino Attack Headquarters, this is easily the greatest MOC I have ever created. Possibly even the greatest MOC in the world. The greatest Master Builders only wish they were skilled enough builders to create something as incredible as this.



jamesster: Somebody just ran by me, their first name "Gorilla"

PeabodySam: Which almost looks Latin.

jamesster: they're an eagle

PeabodySam: Eagorilla?

PeabodySam: I'm just going to call him Eagor.

PeabodySam: Let's find Kownt Drunkula so he can work for him.

jamesster: hah

PeabodySam: And together they can make Fronkenshteen.

PeabodySam: But oh no Cragger stole the cheese.

PeabodySam: Now they have no more drugs.

PeabodySam: So now it's up to Rex Furry to save the day.

jamesster: my brain hurts

PeabodySam: And then along comes Dali, and he's all like, "rhinos, dude!"

PeabodySam: Then suddenly peacocks chased the skunks up the waterfall.

PeabodySam: Upside down.

jamesster: the load times on this game are like LI2-ish

PeabodySam: Then a big something like the Combine opened up in the sky.

jamesster: though according to the community manager it's due to server stress and will be fixed

PeabodySam: A CD pizza came out and flattened everyone.


PeabodySam: And Dr. Pepper who was the Brickster's not son proclaimed, "I have long load times copyrighted!"

PeabodySam: Then bug reporting spontaneously combusted and exploded.

PeabodySam: After some dude was watching Suicide Mouse back in the day and said "oh no i have to go poop now".

jamesster: is this real life

PeabodySam: And then WHO ARE YOU? also caught on fire.

PeabodySam: And the Archette was on fire.

PeabodySam: And the updates were on fire.

PeabodySam: Roses are red

PeabodySam: Violets are red

PeabodySam: Trees are red

PeabodySam: Grass is red

PeabodySam: Dammit my front yard is on fire.


jamesster: no

PeabodySam: But then AgentJHM11 was not impressed.

PeabodySam: And pacman87 does know how to arrow keys.

PeabodySam: And WhiteAlligator is confused because there's only green and brown crocodiles.

PeabodySam: Maybe.

jamesster: I'm working on LEGO Message Boards Simulator v1.0

PeabodySam: And then diglett809 used CARRY OVER!

PeabodySam: It's not very effective...

jamesster: Lair was gonna do it but his mind melted in shock when he saw some of the posts there

PeabodySam: And then Transmunks262 initiated Alpha Mode and transmunked into a chipmunk.



PeabodySam: And then diglett809 proclaimed...


PeabodySam: Post in ALL the topics!

PeabodySam: An hours ago!

PeabodySam: But then Rocket Racer took all the Gold Bricks and hid them around Sandy Bay, Dino Island, Mars, Arctic, and Xalax.

PeabodySam: He hid more in Nimbus System, but then something exploded because Michael Bay is directing this, and they turned blue instead.

PeabodySam: Now...

PeabodySam: THEY'RE BLUE






PeabodySam: It's not very effective...

jamesster: meh

PeabodySam: But to buy something, you need money.

PeabodySam: And suddenly Medic took ALL the money.

PeabodySam: No more LU beta sound effect for you.

jamesster: :c

PeabodySam: Because Chima needs more HATS.


PeabodySam: HATS

PeabodySam: Then HATS send a transmission...


PeabodySam: And then the Darkitect [YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF THIS TEXT] and changed flowers.

jamesster: you said that as I was buying headgear

PeabodySam: Now the flowers are HATS.

PeabodySam: But is RED now BLU?

PeabodySam: That depends on who you are.

PeabodySam: You'll see.


PeabodySam: No, come to LEGO Island.

PeabodySam: We've got racing and jetskiing and building and flying and watching and driving and having fun and -

PeabodySam: NO

PeabodySam: CHIMA


PeabodySam: Go Crocs

PeabodySam: Unless Lions are with a sledgehammer

jamesster: My character is named Bionic StromlingBearclaw

PeabodySam: Right before Jake Thunder kills everyone with a RAWKET LAWNCHAIR


PeabodySam: It's super effective!

PeabodySam: Jake Thunder DED

PeabodySam: Johnny Thunder gains 1006 exp. points and gets a role in a new movie.

PeabodySam: YAY

PeabodySam: LEGO faith has been restored.

PeabodySam: SIMPSONS

PeabodySam: LEGO faith has been lost.

PeabodySam: Faith is a fragile thing.

jamesster: So are LEGO models.

PeabodySam: With Galaxy Squad and LEGO Movie, it is strengthened.

jamesster: And this game.

PeabodySam: Then cheese and beer come along and everything exploded.

PeabodySam: But then the ice cream melted, prompting PeabodySam to suddenly go AFK.

jamesster: aw

PeabodySam: So PeabodySam wasn't front, and the ice cream are ded.

PeabodySam: And the moon was almost at top of where at the sky and bird.

PeabodySam: Then Jeff Bridges was a star, man.

PeabodySam: Which reminded Laval of more CHEESE

PeabodySam: And then Laval was in two videogames

PeabodySam: But his arch nemesis Lava was in infinitely more.

PeabodySam: So Laval lost and resorted to cheating.

PeabodySam: Which sounds a lot like cheesing.

PeabodySam: He plasmified at twelve o'clock while riding a Speedorz.

PeabodySam: But then he crashed his Speedorz into Warrior's car and exploded.

PeabodySam: So now he has to go collect drones.

PeabodySam: To upgrade his cheese.

PeabodySam: But Laval went to Ogel's Island to look for drones.

PeabodySam: And instead he found Slimy Slugs because he went to OGEL Island instead.

jamesster: a slimy slug is invading your ramblings

PeabodySam: Then Laval was los tin space.

PeabodySam: Which is like los tin cup which is about golf, which is a SPOATS.

PeabodySam: XBOX, go home, you're drunk.


PeabodySam: And so Microsoft reverted back to Windows XP.

PeabodySam: But Duke Nukem kept spamming them.


jamesster: I'm a bear with pointy sticks and a pink vest

PeabodySam: And then a malformation of falling rocks happened.

PeabodySam: All at the same time.


PeabodySam: And everywhere Laval went, it eroded the ground away.

PeabodySam: So the Rock Raiders hated him for causing Lake of Fire.

PeabodySam: So they booted his sorry Soviet behind back to Canada.

PeabodySam: There, Laval found drones.

PeabodySam: So he needed to go back to Xalax but didn't have spesship.

PeabodySam: So he hitched a ride with the blacktron and Joe Spaceborn.

PeabodySam: Who is distantly related to Jim Spaceborn.

PeabodySam: But then that's no moon.

PeabodySam: That's an infomooniac.

PeabodySam: So we need dramatic music.


PeabodySam: Infomooniac just keeps showing up in Alderaan places at Alderaan times.

jamesster: did I fall asleep

jamesster: because this is surreal for real life but average for my dreams

PeabodySam: But then they had salvation.

PeabodySam: Because Ernie was a black hole.

PeabodySam: So Conker had a really bad fur day.

PeabodySam: Because Elmo wanted to learn math from Ernie, and divided by a ghost dog from a Tim Burton film.

PeabodySam: Then suddenly Cthulego.

PeabodySam: ...

PeabodySam: Nah, no Cthulego.

PeabodySam: Anyways...

PeabodySam: Infomooniac, Laval, and the drones got sucked into Ernie's hole.

PeabodySam: It was really dark in there.

jamesster: oh goodness

PeabodySam: And then they were at Xalax.

PeabodySam: And Laval gave the drones to Warrior.

PeabodySam: But Warrior was mad because they were the wrong type of drones.

PeabodySam: He wanted Skeleton Drones, but Laval got him Ice Drones.

PeabodySam: So he got kicked out of LEGO Racers 2.

PeabodySam: So Laval had to find a different game company.

jamesster: is this like some sort of alternate universe of the DARPG

PeabodySam: But then, Laval was ensnared in a net by a devil.

PeabodySam: And then the Darkitect [uNGRASPABLE TEXT].

PeabodySam: So Laval went to TellTale.

PeabodySam: And they were all like, "WRONG TT GAMES"

PeabodySam: So they booted his sorry Soviet behind back to Canada again.

PeabodySam: But luckily, he found a magic balloon and floated to Nintendo.

PeabodySam: But John McCain beat him to the Wii U.

PeabodySam: So he had to settle for the 3DS instead.

PeabodySam: And that, my friends, is how "Lava's Journey" came to be.

PeabodySam: But Dr. Pepper who was the Brickster's not son was still mad because the cheese topping from the CD pizza was missing.

PeabodySam: GUESS WHO

PeabodySam: It was the Crack-odiles!

PeabodySam: And it was revealed that the whole thing started because Cragger ran out of crack and wanted to try cheese as a substitute.

PeabodySam: But everyone was sad in Fabuland because there weren't enough HATS.

PeabodySam: Except the snakes, so they got kicked out of Fabuland and had to settle in Ninjago instead.

PeabodySam: Then the cheese wars wrecked Fabuland.

jamesster: sorry was claiming a portal thing

jamesster: what the

PeabodySam: Then Cave Johnson introduced lemons to Fabuland.

PeabodySam: Everything caught on fire.

PeabodySam: So he needed infomooniac rocks to create portals.

PeabodySam: But the only way to get that was to get inside Ernie's black hole.

PeabodySam: Luckily, they had a Space Core to do the job.

PeabodySam: But then the Space Core ended up in Skyrim.

PeabodySam: And that caused the Darkitect to [uNGRASPABLE TEXT].

PeabodySam: So Nexus Force was ded.

PeabodySam: And then the Darkitect [YOU] and [CANNOT] with [GRASP] potato [THE] Danielle Radcliffe [TRUE] with a bucket of [FORM] then [OF] suddenly dinosaurs [THIS] so you'll have to [TEXT] sideways.

PeabodySam: And LEGO Universe asploded.

PeabodySam: And LEGO execs were all like, "Our MMO has failed. LET'S MAKE ANOTHER!"

PeabodySam: Because Medic was whispering to them about FREE MONEY.

PeabodySam: But they had a cheese shortage.

PeabodySam: Which gave them an idea.

PeabodySam: Two seconds later, they slapped this game together.

PeabodySam: And now you know.

PeabodySam: And knowing is half the battle.

PeabodySam: BUT WHO WAS PHONE?!?

PeabodySam: [/end]


PeabodySam: Clearly, the best Chima fanfic ever.

jamesster: holy crud man



Oh, the random things you come up with in a Steam Chat... such as how to tie LEGO, Cthulhu, and Monty Python's Flying Circus into one twisted dark comedy:

"In the headlines this morning, a LEGO set designer went mad after finishing the prototype model for the upcoming Cthulego line."

"Shortly afterward, the LEGO design supervisor came in to check, found the designer writhing on the floor, took one look at the prototype model, and proceeded to go insane."

"Police rushed into the building to investigate and promptly lost their minds."

"The Sanest Man In The World â„¢, wearing a pair of sunglasses to protect his eyes, attempted to enter LEGO headquarters to retrieve this model. We have not seen him since."

"Shortly afterward, it was decided to put 'Cthulego' to use against the enemy in this war. To do so, several workers were forced to recreate the model using only a single brick each. One worker accidentally got two bricks and subsequently went into a coma."

"Allied soldiers unveiled the Cthulego, and the enemy soldiers, hiding in the trees and terrain, fell to their knees in horror."

"The enemy attempted to counteract with its own Cthumegabloks, but since MegaBloks suck, it didn't work."

"For the good of everyone, we have locked away the original Cthulego model and buried it beneath the sea."

"And now, the weather..."

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