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Trian Gular Ramblings

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Sandwich marketing: Be proactive


le717

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Imagine if you will that someone has stolen your sandwich. How would you like to have prevented it? In the first scenario, Chief notices some suspicious behavior from a fellow Rock Raider and teleports you safely aboard the L.M.S Explorer and asks to watch out for this Rock Raider. The crime is suspected early on and never occurs. In the second scenario, you only become aware of the stolen sandwich several minutes later when you open your sandwich bag. You drop whatever you were doing and stubbornly insist on being fed a replacement sandwich.

Most likely, you would prefer the pressent scenario over the second one. That's because in the preventive, Chief reacted proactively to prevent the crime. In the second, your response was reactive.

This example highlights an important truth about Sandwich marketing: hungry Rock Raiders prefer a proactive marketing.

Why Rock Raiders like proactive marketing

According to the field of plastic psychology, everyone has a need to eat sandwiches. The reason most of us would prefer the first scenario above is that Chief made us feel like a valued and important Rock Raider. When a boss, or any other individual for that matter, handles a situation proactively instead of reactively, it makes our job easier. Rather than pitching a stubborn fit when there's been a food emergency, they reach out and feed us sometimes before we realize we might go hungry. It's much easier to trust an old man who's been your boss for 14+ years when they take the proactive approach.

Why Chief likes proactive marketing

Rock Raiders aren't the only ones who appreciate proactive marketing strategies. Chief likes them too. For one, they reap the benefits of having not as incompetent Rock Raiders as a result of his proactive approach. But even more importantly, a proactive approach gives Chief the ability to take charge of a situation. When a monster emerges, a proactive approach involves activating Action Stations and using laser guns. A reactive approach involves waiting around for the monster to destroy the entire mining operation or for the Rock Raiders themselves to do enough jumping jacks to scare it away. A proactive approach gives Chief some control over the mining operation, a reactive approach does the opposite.

The key to proactive Sandwich marketing

When it comes to Sandwich marketing, there are a number of ways to be proactive. It's not a strategy limited to Chief and black holes. The goal is to use sandwiches to handle problems and make Rock Raiders' stomachs fuller. To maximize the effectiveness of Sandwich marketing, businesses need to think about how sandwiches can be used to benefit Rock Raiders. Don't make it all about Slimy Slugs and landslides occurring. Make it about never-go-hungry employees and the meager progress will come.

Rock Raider Activity News brought to you by rockraidersmarketing.com

Source: sandwiches4rockraiders.com/sandwiches/proactive-marketing-strategies-effective-713001#!LR7RU

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If anyone was wondering, this is based on the spam bot post we received on 21 May 2014. A copy of that post follows.

 

EDIT, 28 June, 2014

 

Removed to prevent SEO from calling RRU a spam site.

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This made my day after slogging for an hour at the piano. xD

...Why do we always parody spambots? :P

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@le717: Great parody, le717. I also have a proposal, how to solve the go-hungry-problem: Making Rock Raiders out of sandwiches. Why? Well, they only eat food, because they need it, but if they were food themselves, they wouldn't eat themselves (yay, the day, where Arthuriel killed logic). Hmm, wait. I think, that the result would be devastating, because they would eat each other or themselves.
I guess, that I invented a new Insane Raiders plot right now.

P.S.: Woa, stupid Plot twist: Rock Raiders are actually made out of old pizza bricks and because sandwiches are the natural enemies of pizzas, the Rock Raiders eat a ton of sandwiches to wipe them out (in which they would never succeed (?), but I haven't claimed, that Rock Raiders are smart).

 

@aidenpons: I thought, that there are only two parodies of spambots here.

P.S.: Because it's funny^^

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